Sympathy Toward The Selfish

“The point is ladies and gentleman. That greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts threw, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, In all of its forms. Greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge, has marked the upward surge of mankind...”

- Gordon Gekko

WALL STREET (1987)

I understand the dislike for the selfish. I do. Whether you are an atheist, religious, or practice some form of Taoism. It seems that being selfish or greedy is the one negative trait that time and time again is frowned upon. Helping out your fellow man when he is in need is the one golden rule that is shared by all believers and non-believers alike.  Selfishness, it appears, has become somewhat of a taboo. No one will admit to being greedy or selfish. Everyone wants to be liked and loved. After all, who would want to love and be friends with someone that is selfish?

I find all of this to be misleading and downright naïve. So lets go over the basics.

-             No good deed is a selfless act.

o       As humans, we are constantly being criticized and critiqued by our actions that we make in our society. There is no bigger critic than our conscience unfortunately. The reason why humans take showers, watch what they eat, and comb our hair is because we are constantly worried what people will think of our image. The same goes for our decisions. We want people to know that we donated to charity, we want them to know that we are nice and considerate people. We want them to know why? Because all of actions equal down to sex. But that’s another paper.  If you are donating and you don’t tell anyone. Than you are simply validating your own self-image.  When it comes right down to it. Everyone is selfish. We just don’t want to admit it.

-            Who says a selfish life has to be one of solitude?

o       Be a leader not a follower. If you have a set of principles that you find to be truth. Stick with them. Don’t flip flop your ideals throughout your life.  A leader is never lonely. Because a leader always has followers.  Know what you stand for. Stay true to your beliefs and guaranteed people will know and admire you for it.

-            An honest man is a fool.

o       Most people would agree that a lie is a selfish act. I would even consider lying to be more of a taboo than being greedy or selfish.  Yet we all lie everyday and much like being selfish it’s the one’s that admit to it that can live happy lives. Now I’m not condoning to be a compulsive liar. But tweaking the truth to your own benefit never hurt anybody and if it does. Who cares? Why spend your life fulfilling others people’s expectations of yourself? This doesn’t mean you should completely abandon the thought of giving to charity or trying to be nice to people. No one likes an asshole after all. Just know that when you do all those “selfless” acts its completely and 100 percent for your benefit. Don’t lie to yourself and say that it isn’t. I love how this puts manipulation and selfishness together as one in a beautiful coupling in order to trick the world that you are a charitable, caring, and honest human being.. I have a made a whole new word for it. SELFPULATION.

Not only is a selfish lifestyle a legitimate way to live it is the only way to live. It’s the only way that humans know how to live. If we are all selfish than how is greed bad? It’s not. It’s human nature. The only difference between me and the rest of the world is that I know this and rather than fight it. I accept it.

Greatest Bad Asses of ALL Time (fictional and non-fictional)

1. BATMAN - The guy has no super strength, no flying ability, no x-ray vision, and he can still do everything that Superman can do and more. It really shows what you can do when you have determination, perserverance, and a large inheritance from your dead father and mother.

2. JOHN MCCLAIN - He doesn't follow the rules. Rules follow him. He can kill 30 to 40 terrorists in a building with his shoes off. He also will say a very innapropiate one-liner when he kills you.

3. CHARLIE SHEEN - He's winning and everyone knows it. If you don't know it. Then you are most certainly a troll.

4. ANGELINA JOLIE - Now normally I would consider it ludacris to put a woman on the BAD ASS list. But the girl has made a ridiculous amount of awesome action movies.

5.  KING KONG - Great with the ladies, has a thing for architecture, and can bench press like a million pounds. I think the question is. Why wouldn't he be a bad ass?

6. GEORGE W. BUSH - Generally considered one the most hated Presidents of our time. Yet we voted for him... TWICE!!! Class A bad ass.

7. BRETT FAVRE - Anyone who knows me knows that I wouldn't dare not put Brett Favre on this list. But in all seriousness. He's started 297 consecutive games (not including playoffs), has the record for most interceptions yet still has the record for most games ever won by a Quarterback, and his greatest year statistically came when he was 40 years old!!!

8. PREDATOR - Only Arnold could bring him down and that was not easy!!! I think the thing I like most about the Predator is that when he's hunting and everything, he's on vacation. Like he's probably planned this hunt for a whole year, Finally got time off to go, Spent all this money on equipment. And when he gets there he gets killed by his prey!!! Thats like going fishing and getting eaten by a shark.

9. TYLER THE CREATOR - "Satan called he said he wants his fuckin' swagger back."

10. GOD - He invented sex... sweet.

Perks To Being an Atheist

Religion vs. Atheism has been the longest war ever fought.  It has withstood the test of time and to this day is one of the most controversial debates to not only America but to our entire global society.  On one side we have intellectuals, scientists, and actual facts and on the other side we have people who believe in an afterlife.  Now as a writer I will try to be non-bias. But as an awesome individual who is amazing. I will voice my opinion in a series of sarcastic puns throughout this essay.

There are many advantages to being a religious person. But like everything in life there are also many disadvantages.

Advantage: Eternal life after death.

Disadvantage: Depending on how good you are during your first life matters if your second life will be either eternal bliss or eternal hell through burning for the rest of time. (Plot-hole; If you can’t die in the afterlife how does one experience pain? After I think ten years or so wouldn’t you just get use to the pain? I mean I assume you have a body in hell otherwise how does someone torture you, so does that mean that you have one body in hell for all of eternity? Bodies desolate after time and I’m sure burning your body doesn’t slow down the desolation. So how does your body stay fresh enough for so much torture? Do you get new bodies over time? I don’t remember reading that in the bible.)

Advantage:  Being able to ridicule and persecute anyone that you find does not fit your standard of what “God wants”.

Disadvantage: Being called an asshole for the rest of your days.

Advantage: There are no coincidences, everything is planned out for us, nothing is random, God has a plan for everyone.

Disadvantage: Kinda sucks if you’re a criminal on death row. You never had a shot.

I can go into more. But I’m scarred, I might get shot down by lightning. I mean if “God” doesn’t like what I say why did he give me the mind to question him? To test my faith? True faith in “God” is also turning your back and abandoning all rationality and logical thinking.  If you believe in “God” you must realize this.  If you are okay with this, than by all means believe in anything you want.

Now I will give the advantages of being an Atheist as it is only fair. But I really dislike the word advantage. To say advantage I imply that there are disadvantages.  So I’m going to say the word perks instead.

Perk #1: Morality is an option. You have to answer to no one. All moral decisions are relative. Live your life the way you want to. Be happy, be greedy, have sex with who ever you want.

Perk #2: It’s pronounced ma-too-er not mature. Many people say being pompous and pretentious is a bad thing. I see it as a sign of intelligence. If you’re the smartest guy in the room why hide it? Advocate atheism to your friends and family. They may hate you. But by god they will respect you. And if not who cares? It’s not like your going to hell or anything haha. (However there are particular cases where being pretentious is annoying. Like when someone says “Grey Poupon” instead of mustard or when someone supports all their opinions by how many years they went to college, or when someone says their saving themselves for marriage… Now that I think of it that last one isn’t really pretentious it’s just stupid.)

Perk #3: You don’t have to be a Republican anymore!!

Perk #4: Sex is not sin. So now you can just go wild.

Perk #5: Alcohol is not the devils drink. It just gives you a devil of a good time.

Perk #6: No more spending a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas for people you don’t care about or hardly ever see.

Perk #7:  Prostitution is now only bad by state law standards.

Perk #8: We can finally listen to Jim Morrison without feeling guilty.

Perk #9: Gordon Gecko is no longer a bad guy. But rather, a demanding idealist.

Perk #10: It makes you awesome. True story.

I have spoken all I can about the matter. The truth is, I view being an Atheist as an exclusive club that I am apart of and have VIP passes to. If more people join than the club loses its exclusiveness and more importantly I become less special. So I’m really not trying to change anyone’s minds. I just like reading and writing my thoughts. 

How Men Live a Happy and Satisfied Life in Today's Multicultured Fast Paced Society

1. DRESS WELL AND DRESS OFTEN - A person is only as good as he looks to the outside world. Button up, long sleeve, collar shirts tell the world that you are responsible, mature, and if you can roll up the sleeves and untuck the shirt you can fit in in almost any other casual gathering. Plus, be the best looking mother fucker there. Jeans should be worn in moderation and NEVER EVER wear a short sleeve collard shirt. This tells the world that your responsible and that you have a protractor in your calculator pocket.

2. DRINKING IS WHAT MEN NEED TO DO, DRINKING HEAVILY TILL YOU ARE WITHOUT ANY SOUND MORAL JUDGEMENT IS WHAT WOMAN NEED TO DO - By far the hardest rule to follow. Everyone wants to get wasted everyone wants to have a good time and you can. But like anything in this world it needs to be taken within moderation. No one wants to see a drunk male outside passed out in your backyard. But everyone wants to hang with the guy who knows his limits and can hold his alcohol without being a stick in the mud. There are many advantages to drinking. Builds confidence, helps your moral, lets you be more social, and makes everything much more fun and awesome. If there is one thing to take from the bible it is to treat your body like a temple. That means that you should only drink high class high end drinks. No budlights, no budweiser, no smirnoff ice. Men drink only the finest. Plus woman have a track record for making irrational sexual decisions when there buzzed. A man should always be there when this happens (unless it's a fat chick. But we will discuss more on that in rule #3). To help improve your tolerance for alcohol. Drinking regularly is a must. Have three glasses of a gin and tonic before you go to bed. Remeber practice makes perfect.

3. WOMEN ARE NOT DISPOSABLE THINGS, BUT SEX IS - There are two types of men in the this world. Type A is a man who, after just having sex with a incredibly gorgeous woman, says to himself, "Wow this woman has just had sex with me. Why do I deserve her? She is way to good for me. I hope this moment lasts forever". Type B is a man who, after just having sex with a incredibly grogeous woman, says to himself, "Wow this woman has just had sex with me. I must be just as good looking as she is. I wonder how many other gorgeous woman I can nail. I hope this moment lasts forever... You know just with other woman". Type A is Woody Allen. Type B is James Bond. Now you have to ask yourself this question. Would you rather be Woody Allen? Or James Bond? Love is an illusion. Love is a chemical imbalance in the brain that tells your body that you are ready to multiply. Sex is the only absolute happiness thats garaunteed to not break your heart. As said before. Treat your body like a temple. Do you think King Tut would let just anybody enter his sacred temple?? Abosolutely not. Choose who you will sleep with. A attractive man who has sex with a below average female is cringe worthy. Yet a below average man who has sex with an attractive woman is legendary. Shoot for the stars. Even if you approach 100 incredibly gorgeous woman and get drinks slammed in your face 95 times. Guess what... Your a below average man who just had sex with 5 incredibly gorgeous woman! Damn... Hi five's are in order. (What I said goes for gay guys too. Hit it and quit it fo sho.)

4. WHENEVER YOU EXPERIENCE SELF DOUBT OR UNCERTAINTY ABOUT YOURSELF LISTEN TO "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES" WHILE YOU GIVE YOURSELF COMPLIMENTS IN A MIRROR - That or alcohol.

5. A LIE IS NOT A CRIME, A LIE TO AVOID A CRIME IS - Telling the truth is overated. Lying is just so frowned upon in today's society. Well I don't like it. I say, If it serves your best interest and if there is either a gorgeous woman, a boss, and/or your parents involved. Lying is a necessity.

6. "YIPE-KI-YAY MOTHER FUCKER" IS NOT JUST A SAYING, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE - We all can a learn a thing or two from John Mcclain. When life hands you lemons make lemonade... And after you make the lemonade say a witty bad ass one liner about how good your lemonade is.

7. A MAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE STEAK, IS A WOMAN - You don't have to be chef at some fancy restaurant, You don't have to go to culinary art school, you don't even have to like cooking. But men from all over the world should know one thing and one thing only, and that is, how to grill a medium rare steak.

8. IF YOU DON'T WATCH OR KEEP UP WITH ANY KIND OF SPORTS, PRETEND TO - Nothing is more sad to me than a man who doesn't watch sports. But if you are one of these men.... You know what, I was going to write on how you can bluff your way about knowing sports... But there's just no excuse.

9. GETTING IN FIGHTS WITH DEUCHE BAGS WILL SEND YOU AND THE DEUCHE BAG TO JAIL, CALLING THE POLICE WHEN THE DEUCHE BAG IS THREATENING TO BEAT YOU UP, WILL ONLY SEND THE DEUCHE BAG TO JAIL - No matter who or what anybody tells you, black eyes are not sexy.

10. RULES WERE MEANT TO BE BROKEN... JUST NOT THESE RULES - If you have just finished reading "How Men Live a Happy and Satisfied Life in Today's mulicultrured Fast Paced Society" Then you are on the first step to complete and utter happiness. If you don't agree with what I said than you are most definitely a woman.