1. DRESS WELL AND DRESS OFTEN - A person is only as good as he looks to the outside world. Button up, long sleeve, collar shirts tell the world that you are responsible, mature, and if you can roll up the sleeves and untuck the shirt you can fit in in almost any other casual gathering. Plus, be the best looking mother fucker there. Jeans should be worn in moderation and NEVER EVER wear a short sleeve collard shirt. This tells the world that your responsible and that you have a protractor in your calculator pocket.
2. DRINKING IS WHAT MEN NEED TO DO, DRINKING HEAVILY TILL YOU ARE WITHOUT ANY SOUND MORAL JUDGEMENT IS WHAT WOMAN NEED TO DO - By far the hardest rule to follow. Everyone wants to get wasted everyone wants to have a good time and you can. But like anything in this world it needs to be taken within moderation. No one wants to see a drunk male outside passed out in your backyard. But everyone wants to hang with the guy who knows his limits and can hold his alcohol without being a stick in the mud. There are many advantages to drinking. Builds confidence, helps your moral, lets you be more social, and makes everything much more fun and awesome. If there is one thing to take from the bible it is to treat your body like a temple. That means that you should only drink high class high end drinks. No budlights, no budweiser, no smirnoff ice. Men drink only the finest. Plus woman have a track record for making irrational sexual decisions when there buzzed. A man should always be there when this happens (unless it's a fat chick. But we will discuss more on that in rule #3). To help improve your tolerance for alcohol. Drinking regularly is a must. Have three glasses of a gin and tonic before you go to bed. Remeber practice makes perfect.
3. WOMEN ARE NOT DISPOSABLE THINGS, BUT SEX IS - There are two types of men in the this world. Type A is a man who, after just having sex with a incredibly gorgeous woman, says to himself, "Wow this woman has just had sex with me. Why do I deserve her? She is way to good for me. I hope this moment lasts forever". Type B is a man who, after just having sex with a incredibly grogeous woman, says to himself, "Wow this woman has just had sex with me. I must be just as good looking as she is. I wonder how many other gorgeous woman I can nail. I hope this moment lasts forever... You know just with other woman". Type A is Woody Allen. Type B is James Bond. Now you have to ask yourself this question. Would you rather be Woody Allen? Or James Bond? Love is an illusion. Love is a chemical imbalance in the brain that tells your body that you are ready to multiply. Sex is the only absolute happiness thats garaunteed to not break your heart. As said before. Treat your body like a temple. Do you think King Tut would let just anybody enter his sacred temple?? Abosolutely not. Choose who you will sleep with. A attractive man who has sex with a below average female is cringe worthy. Yet a below average man who has sex with an attractive woman is legendary. Shoot for the stars. Even if you approach 100 incredibly gorgeous woman and get drinks slammed in your face 95 times. Guess what... Your a below average man who just had sex with 5 incredibly gorgeous woman! Damn... Hi five's are in order. (What I said goes for gay guys too. Hit it and quit it fo sho.)
4. WHENEVER YOU EXPERIENCE SELF DOUBT OR UNCERTAINTY ABOUT YOURSELF LISTEN TO "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES" WHILE YOU GIVE YOURSELF COMPLIMENTS IN A MIRROR - That or alcohol.
5. A LIE IS NOT A CRIME, A LIE TO AVOID A CRIME IS - Telling the truth is overated. Lying is just so frowned upon in today's society. Well I don't like it. I say, If it serves your best interest and if there is either a gorgeous woman, a boss, and/or your parents involved. Lying is a necessity.
6. "YIPE-KI-YAY MOTHER FUCKER" IS NOT JUST A SAYING, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE - We all can a learn a thing or two from John Mcclain. When life hands you lemons make lemonade... And after you make the lemonade say a witty bad ass one liner about how good your lemonade is.
7. A MAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE STEAK, IS A WOMAN - You don't have to be chef at some fancy restaurant, You don't have to go to culinary art school, you don't even have to like cooking. But men from all over the world should know one thing and one thing only, and that is, how to grill a medium rare steak.
8. IF YOU DON'T WATCH OR KEEP UP WITH ANY KIND OF SPORTS, PRETEND TO - Nothing is more sad to me than a man who doesn't watch sports. But if you are one of these men.... You know what, I was going to write on how you can bluff your way about knowing sports... But there's just no excuse.
9. GETTING IN FIGHTS WITH DEUCHE BAGS WILL SEND YOU AND THE DEUCHE BAG TO JAIL, CALLING THE POLICE WHEN THE DEUCHE BAG IS THREATENING TO BEAT YOU UP, WILL ONLY SEND THE DEUCHE BAG TO JAIL - No matter who or what anybody tells you, black eyes are not sexy.
10. RULES WERE MEANT TO BE BROKEN... JUST NOT THESE RULES - If you have just finished reading "How Men Live a Happy and Satisfied Life in Today's mulicultrured Fast Paced Society" Then you are on the first step to complete and utter happiness. If you don't agree with what I said than you are most definitely a woman.
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